Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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