Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
