then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
