i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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