Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
