if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
