dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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