I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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