I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
