just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
