your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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