You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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