trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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