Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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