I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
