i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
