everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
