I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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