You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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