So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
