apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
