I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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