Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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