dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
