first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
