She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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