1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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