Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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