i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
