It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
