He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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