i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
