Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
