You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
