am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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