i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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