8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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