last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
