girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize