She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
