My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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