I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
