VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize