you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
