Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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