i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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