Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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