The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this will be a night to untag.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
