Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize