i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
