obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
