I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
