i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
