how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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