Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
