dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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