ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
