Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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