shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
