Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
