that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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