Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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