I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please come you make the beer taste better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
