i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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