I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
