Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
