first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
