I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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