I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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