so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
