Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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