do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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