Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
