It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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