seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
