the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
