I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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