Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
