I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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