first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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