I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
