Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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