I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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