My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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