Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
