dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize