On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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