All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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