I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
