Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
