I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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