I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
